Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the importance of prayer. I am starting to realize more and more the importance of it, yet I find myself not doing it because I am afraid. I am afraid if I pray a certain thing, the Lord may actually grant it to me. That may sound odd, but it's just as if you were to say, "Lord, please teach me patience" and He sends you a seemingly unbearable person in your life and you want to take back your momentary prayer of boldness. I know that prayers are powerful and so I am scared that I may regret what I know my heart really does long for. In the long run, I know I need it and want it, but for the time being it seems as though it may be too difficult or unnecessary for the time being. This just goes to show my immature and selfish heart at times. I ultimately long to follow Christ and be the best dang Christian there is so I don't waste my momentary life, yet I feel as though I fail that aspect so often!
On the other side of prayer, I find myself wavering at the idea of prayer because I am scared that God may NOT answer my desires, such as my brothers repentance and turn to Christ. I am scared to pray and not see a change in my brothers heart. I know no one is too far gone from Christ's loving hand that God could not bring him back in, but what if that is not His desire? What if God's plan and purpose is for my brother to rot in hell? The idea of it makes me shiver and sick.
I wish I were stronger. I wish I knew how to pray. It is at this moment that I need the Spirit to intercede for my and pray boldly for the desires of my heart, regardless of the consequences for my heart is deceitful above all else and desires to not bother going to the mighty Lord for these things. I was reading Psalm 8 tonight and thinking about how David starts, "O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens.” His name is a means for salvation. Calling upon his name is a lifeline for the weak and weary and those in need of Christ, yet I fail at times even to do that? That is scary and sad. I do not have my priorities straight. The first thing I should be doing is calling upon his name and realizing how majestic His mere name is! "I AM" He is who he will be...not by my choosing, or my desires. He is and nothing will change that! He was and is always the same. Names are not merely gibberish in the Bible. They are significant and state the characteristics of a person or situation...and we are able to call upon the name of YAHWH! "I Am who I Am", or "I will be who I will be!" How incredible is that?!
Oh LORD, help us seek your name and your glory! Oh that we would understand the strength and salvation in your name!
