Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the importance of prayer. I am starting to realize more and more the importance of it, yet I find myself not doing it because I am afraid. I am afraid if I pray a certain thing, the Lord may actually grant it to me. That may sound odd, but it's just as if you were to say, "Lord, please teach me patience" and He sends you a seemingly unbearable person in your life and you want to take back your momentary prayer of boldness. I know that prayers are powerful and so I am scared that I may regret what I know my heart really does long for. In the long run, I know I need it and want it, but for the time being it seems as though it may be too difficult or unnecessary for the time being. This just goes to show my immature and selfish heart at times. I ultimately long to follow Christ and be the best dang Christian there is so I don't waste my momentary life, yet I feel as though I fail that aspect so often!
On the other side of prayer, I find myself wavering at the idea of prayer because I am scared that God may NOT answer my desires, such as my brothers repentance and turn to Christ. I am scared to pray and not see a change in my brothers heart. I know no one is too far gone from Christ's loving hand that God could not bring him back in, but what if that is not His desire? What if God's plan and purpose is for my brother to rot in hell? The idea of it makes me shiver and sick.
I wish I were stronger. I wish I knew how to pray. It is at this moment that I need the Spirit to intercede for my and pray boldly for the desires of my heart, regardless of the consequences for my heart is deceitful above all else and desires to not bother going to the mighty Lord for these things. I was reading Psalm 8 tonight and thinking about how David starts, "O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens.” His name is a means for salvation. Calling upon his name is a lifeline for the weak and weary and those in need of Christ, yet I fail at times even to do that? That is scary and sad. I do not have my priorities straight. The first thing I should be doing is calling upon his name and realizing how majestic His mere name is! "I AM" He is who he will be...not by my choosing, or my desires. He is and nothing will change that! He was and is always the same. Names are not merely gibberish in the Bible. They are significant and state the characteristics of a person or situation...and we are able to call upon the name of YAHWH! "I Am who I Am", or "I will be who I will be!" How incredible is that?!
Oh LORD, help us seek your name and your glory! Oh that we would understand the strength and salvation in your name!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Epic fail
Life in the city is an interesting thing. I have always marveled at the people who live and work in the city and pass by the homeless and disadvantaged as if was nothing. With ipods in, kindles out, and a rushed walk as the are either exiting or entering a train...with nothing on their minds but their own agenda. Will i make it to my next train? Will i make it on time for work? I should have planned a lunch instead of eating out again... These are some of the thoughts in the monotonous lives of people of the city. I always wondered how day after day you could see a homeless person and not think twice. Today i realized it. As i walked my transferring train this morning, i realize how easy it is to look the other way and pass by because you are too busy. I was running late and all i could think was "I have to get there on time!" i passed by many a helpless people without a second glance. I thought about how ashamed i was feeling. I got to work, went on with my monotonous day...working in the office, teaching 4th grade computer, helping pre school and then running the after school program. The kids happened to all get picked up early so i helped with one last project and headed home. I was so excited to be out 15 minutes early that i hustled to the red line... Got off first and hustled to the pink line which was leaving in 4 minutes. I got there and just as i was going to put my ticket in...i saw a lady with a cane and she said " i need some help". She was blind. I had already placed my card in so i didn't know what to do. Before i could think too much i saw another girl hesitantly trying to help. So selfishly i went through the turn style...hesitated...and when i saw she was okay...i left. As i headed up the stairs you can imagine how i felt. Its probably inappropriate to say so i will let you gather your on thoughts on that. Now i am sitting here on the train wondering where my love and selflessNess has gone. Where my excitement to serve others has fled. Where my passion for the city and its corruption has gone when i have become the very person i came here to change. I came to make a difference in the individual lives of people for Christ, yet i have apparently left that aspect at my job andforgotten those i don't get paid to serve. I feel like at times i don't even know myself, my actions or my heard any more.
I am so grateful for this time of sharpening and prunning but its kicking my butt man. Im tired and when i become tired, im even more selfish. I pray thwarting Lord gives me strength to continue despite my tiredness and enables me to serve as Christ served. I know I can be selfish and only the Lord can enable me to look to the cross to be Christ centered. Oh foolish heart, how quickly you forget this life is not about you or your gain!! May my heart and actions start aligning to the Lords heart and actions.
I am so grateful for this time of sharpening and prunning but its kicking my butt man. Im tired and when i become tired, im even more selfish. I pray thwarting Lord gives me strength to continue despite my tiredness and enables me to serve as Christ served. I know I can be selfish and only the Lord can enable me to look to the cross to be Christ centered. Oh foolish heart, how quickly you forget this life is not about you or your gain!! May my heart and actions start aligning to the Lords heart and actions.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Why I'm Doing What I'm Doing
It's because of these people who have changed my life...and brought me perspective into this world of lost souls. I still remember Imani. I had brushed her and others off into the back of my mind for years, but I can't help but remember the love and joy I had with these kids. Joy that also brought about many tears as I saw their lives drastically different from my suburban life. Here's to remembering why I am desiring so much to help these little one's in the city. Only the Lord can do and will do good work in me so I pray that my desire never fades and that my passion is always on seeking for others what I have been given in Christ.
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| Imani <3 |
Bernie
I feel particularly burdened for the lost today.
I met a homeless man named Bernie while I was driving home from Walmart. He was wet and cold looking in this dreary, raining weather and had a bad limp. My heart felt so saddened by his condition and I all at once felt helpless. I want to work with homeless people one day and yet how can I do that when I feel helpless and overwhelmed? I want to do inner city ministry, yet I feel so inadequate. After talking to him, as I was driving home, I felt especially burdened for him and others who out in this world that we pass by daily, who are lost. Why aren't we braver and bolder? A lot of things are swimming around in my head right now, but the biggest thing I wonder is if I wanted to come here to become apart of a homeless ministry one day, how is it that I am supposed to do that when I can't even help one homeless man. I mean, yes, I did everything I could do, but there is so much more that could and should be done. I don't know.
My prayer today is for the lost...people we know, people we don't know, people we love and people we don't particularly love...though we should. Even the homeless man and the murderer need Jesus. We are all sinners and NO ONE does good, so we have been saved by grace and by our prayers, the power of the Holy Spirit, and the work of Christ the unrighteous can become righteous in the light of Christ. The unlovely become lovely.
I met a homeless man named Bernie while I was driving home from Walmart. He was wet and cold looking in this dreary, raining weather and had a bad limp. My heart felt so saddened by his condition and I all at once felt helpless. I want to work with homeless people one day and yet how can I do that when I feel helpless and overwhelmed? I want to do inner city ministry, yet I feel so inadequate. After talking to him, as I was driving home, I felt especially burdened for him and others who out in this world that we pass by daily, who are lost. Why aren't we braver and bolder? A lot of things are swimming around in my head right now, but the biggest thing I wonder is if I wanted to come here to become apart of a homeless ministry one day, how is it that I am supposed to do that when I can't even help one homeless man. I mean, yes, I did everything I could do, but there is so much more that could and should be done. I don't know.
My prayer today is for the lost...people we know, people we don't know, people we love and people we don't particularly love...though we should. Even the homeless man and the murderer need Jesus. We are all sinners and NO ONE does good, so we have been saved by grace and by our prayers, the power of the Holy Spirit, and the work of Christ the unrighteous can become righteous in the light of Christ. The unlovely become lovely.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Next Stop: Chinatown, Chicago!
So, for those of you who were wondering about any updates on my life...here they are:
I just got a job at Pui Tak Christian School in Chinatown, Chicago! I am so excited! The Lord has really challenged me to trust Him in this all and as usual, he has provided for me :) I am so excited and slightly nervous for this opportunity, but know it will challenge me which will grow me, so I am looking forward to it!
"How did it happen?", you may ask. Well, here's the CRAZY and yet providential story :) We'll start back in November of last year. I applied for several positions at Americorp (TechMissions branch) and asked to be placed in Chicago. I will have you know that I did all of this BEFORE James and I started dating and before I was even interested in him like that. They emailed me back and said that they may have some positions open as soon as January/beginning of February. So, January rolls around...so does a new boyfriend. At the end of January, I assume I will not hear back from Americorp because the positions have seemingly started. So, I go into Starbucks, ask my old manager to hire me back on and she says, "YES!" but on the condition that I stay AT LEAST 6 months! I said, no problem, I have not heard back from the other position. THE VERY NEXT DAY, I get an email asking me to interview for the TechMissions (Americorp) position. I was so confused. Should I quit Starbucks and interview? But what if I interviewed and didn't get the position. I gathered wise advice from many, including my wonderful boyfriend, and decided not to take the interview. I knew that if I gave up Starbucks, it would look bad and if I left for Chicago on a whim, I probably would be ending my newly started relationship because I know myself all too well and would have freaked about the long distance at the start and just given up. So, I had to decide if the new relationship and the bad look of quiting was worth it...and I decided to stay :) So I asked if, due to the circumstances, they could interview me in the summer again. They agreed.
Since the positions usually start in June/July, in May I emailed the people I had been corresponding with at TechMissions. Another emailed went by and another...and no response. By June I was feeling slightly hopeless, but decided to give them a phone call to remind them of the interview they had promised me! By the end of June, I made my decision. I WAS NOT going to wait around in Apple Valley for some opportunity to come to me. I wanted so badly to just do something crazy and trust that the Lord had not given me this big of a passion to do Urban Ministry and NOT do anything but work at Starbucks in Apple Valley. Chicago was my dream (besides NY) and since James was moving to Indiana in the fall, why not do it there! So, at the end of June I gave my 1 month notice and started packing up. It seemed unreal, but I knew it was what I needed to do. I had prayed about it, though not as much as I know I should have (looking back on it) and felt a completely overwhelming sense of peace. For those of you who know me, you know I am adventurous, but only to a degree. I like to go travel and do crazy things, BUT I would NEVER move somewhere without having a job or an apartment. Haha...little did I know the Lord would be leading me to trust Him in this epic journey :) So, my strong desire to move won out and while some people thought it was great and exactly what I needed, others looked at it with hesitancy, which isn't surprising! But I tried my best to not let these people discourage me because I had a peace that surpassed my understanding at this point and needed to follow the Lord's leading. I was tired of just feeling like an opportunity would come my way if I waited. I wanted to be active in my faith. I wanted so badly just to say, "Lord, I know you provide for me and I will trust you". It's easy to live our daily lives without having an active faith that just calls out for the provision of our active God. I wanted to live KNOWING that the Lord would provide and this has been one of the biggest impacts of my Christian faith. The Lord lead me, just as He did Peter, onto the water...and I wish I could say that I did better than Peter, but I had my moments of, "Maybe I am CRAZY!" James would keep reminding me that I needed to be like Abraham and trust the Lord, despite the fact that I knew not where I was going, which was such great encouragement. I mean, the heros of faith aren't there for nothing! They are there so they can be an example of how we should act and believe the Lord. They are there to show God's glory over all of life. So, as the story goes....
As I was packing and getting ready for this madness, I get a call, two weeks before the big move, to interview for Americorps! I jumped at the chance and had my interview. It was an hour long and felt like the very WORST interview in my life! (Not to mention there are 800 applicants for about 60 positions throughout the United States and my crumby interview was NOT going to make the cut!) I bombed it completely and was SO bummed, yet the Lord was constantly reminding me that he will provide. And that was the promise that got me through the next week when I didn't hear back from the position. I was supposed to hear by the following Monday and yet I heard nothing. Disappointed, I prayed that the Lord would remind me of His provision over my life and his care for me despite my "failure" at this interview. July 30th I shipped out to Chicago and came to Indiana on August 1st. On August 3, my 24th birthday, I spent the day in the city and came home very late at night. Although I did not have internet at my house, I opened up my computer, attempting to access the internet somehow. I open it and it connects...to a McDonalds internet. Now, the closet McDonalds is a few miles away...but in God's providence, I was connected long enough to receive an email stating that if I were interested to work for Americorp there may be a position opening at a school in downtown Chinatown, Chicago! I sat there and responded and cried. I cried because I was so grateful that the Lord had been providing for me. Although I knew it was not set in stone, I knew that it was, if nothing else, the Lord showing me that in someway he would provide! I was so happy that night as my mom and I were crying! It sounds corny all this crying, but it was seriously amazing seeing God's hand on it all :) So, I was scheduled for an interview today and received a phone call last week from someone from the school who was reassuring me that I was likely to have the job (which was timely in my somewhat pessimistic and Peter-like mood of unbelief). I was worrying about not having a job and about not having an apartment to be in as of August 26th when the boys move back in. But the Lord always is reminding me, because I am so forgetful, that he would provide, just like He did with Ruth. ( Needless to say I've read that book numerous times since I have been here! :) So, I interviewed today and was so happy to be at the school; just seeing it all and loved the people I met. But, I had heard of other interviews going on so I started to get slightly discouraged, until I remember that the Lord would provide, regardless of this position. BUT His provision came in this position and for that I am forever grateful!
His glory and providence is written ALL over this because nothing that I did got me this job and it's amazing when you can see that in your life. The Lord has been oh so good to me and might we always be reminded of his covenant faithful love and provision for His people. To God be the glory, now and forever AMEN! :)
Now onto the job! The job is for an after school program director/ volunteer coordinator. I guess a lot of the kids, despite the fact that they are in Christian schools, aren't Christian and grew up in Buddhist or other religious background. So this is a wonderful ministry for the city to non Christians. Although I won't be making much, I am excited to learn and minister to the inner city Chinatown! It's funny how the Lord does things because when I applied, I looked at some of the cites and this was the last site that I wanted...and yet I am SO excited about it now!
I ask for your prayers as I live and work in Chinatown, Chicago and learn how to effectively communicate to the community :) I pray that the Lord uses me in big ways and makes me feel uncomfortable, but all for His glory!
Now, I'm off to watch Mulan and eat Panda Express to hopefully encourage a more Chinese me ;)
I just got a job at Pui Tak Christian School in Chinatown, Chicago! I am so excited! The Lord has really challenged me to trust Him in this all and as usual, he has provided for me :) I am so excited and slightly nervous for this opportunity, but know it will challenge me which will grow me, so I am looking forward to it!
"How did it happen?", you may ask. Well, here's the CRAZY and yet providential story :) We'll start back in November of last year. I applied for several positions at Americorp (TechMissions branch) and asked to be placed in Chicago. I will have you know that I did all of this BEFORE James and I started dating and before I was even interested in him like that. They emailed me back and said that they may have some positions open as soon as January/beginning of February. So, January rolls around...so does a new boyfriend. At the end of January, I assume I will not hear back from Americorp because the positions have seemingly started. So, I go into Starbucks, ask my old manager to hire me back on and she says, "YES!" but on the condition that I stay AT LEAST 6 months! I said, no problem, I have not heard back from the other position. THE VERY NEXT DAY, I get an email asking me to interview for the TechMissions (Americorp) position. I was so confused. Should I quit Starbucks and interview? But what if I interviewed and didn't get the position. I gathered wise advice from many, including my wonderful boyfriend, and decided not to take the interview. I knew that if I gave up Starbucks, it would look bad and if I left for Chicago on a whim, I probably would be ending my newly started relationship because I know myself all too well and would have freaked about the long distance at the start and just given up. So, I had to decide if the new relationship and the bad look of quiting was worth it...and I decided to stay :) So I asked if, due to the circumstances, they could interview me in the summer again. They agreed.
Since the positions usually start in June/July, in May I emailed the people I had been corresponding with at TechMissions. Another emailed went by and another...and no response. By June I was feeling slightly hopeless, but decided to give them a phone call to remind them of the interview they had promised me! By the end of June, I made my decision. I WAS NOT going to wait around in Apple Valley for some opportunity to come to me. I wanted so badly to just do something crazy and trust that the Lord had not given me this big of a passion to do Urban Ministry and NOT do anything but work at Starbucks in Apple Valley. Chicago was my dream (besides NY) and since James was moving to Indiana in the fall, why not do it there! So, at the end of June I gave my 1 month notice and started packing up. It seemed unreal, but I knew it was what I needed to do. I had prayed about it, though not as much as I know I should have (looking back on it) and felt a completely overwhelming sense of peace. For those of you who know me, you know I am adventurous, but only to a degree. I like to go travel and do crazy things, BUT I would NEVER move somewhere without having a job or an apartment. Haha...little did I know the Lord would be leading me to trust Him in this epic journey :) So, my strong desire to move won out and while some people thought it was great and exactly what I needed, others looked at it with hesitancy, which isn't surprising! But I tried my best to not let these people discourage me because I had a peace that surpassed my understanding at this point and needed to follow the Lord's leading. I was tired of just feeling like an opportunity would come my way if I waited. I wanted to be active in my faith. I wanted so badly just to say, "Lord, I know you provide for me and I will trust you". It's easy to live our daily lives without having an active faith that just calls out for the provision of our active God. I wanted to live KNOWING that the Lord would provide and this has been one of the biggest impacts of my Christian faith. The Lord lead me, just as He did Peter, onto the water...and I wish I could say that I did better than Peter, but I had my moments of, "Maybe I am CRAZY!" James would keep reminding me that I needed to be like Abraham and trust the Lord, despite the fact that I knew not where I was going, which was such great encouragement. I mean, the heros of faith aren't there for nothing! They are there so they can be an example of how we should act and believe the Lord. They are there to show God's glory over all of life. So, as the story goes....
As I was packing and getting ready for this madness, I get a call, two weeks before the big move, to interview for Americorps! I jumped at the chance and had my interview. It was an hour long and felt like the very WORST interview in my life! (Not to mention there are 800 applicants for about 60 positions throughout the United States and my crumby interview was NOT going to make the cut!) I bombed it completely and was SO bummed, yet the Lord was constantly reminding me that he will provide. And that was the promise that got me through the next week when I didn't hear back from the position. I was supposed to hear by the following Monday and yet I heard nothing. Disappointed, I prayed that the Lord would remind me of His provision over my life and his care for me despite my "failure" at this interview. July 30th I shipped out to Chicago and came to Indiana on August 1st. On August 3, my 24th birthday, I spent the day in the city and came home very late at night. Although I did not have internet at my house, I opened up my computer, attempting to access the internet somehow. I open it and it connects...to a McDonalds internet. Now, the closet McDonalds is a few miles away...but in God's providence, I was connected long enough to receive an email stating that if I were interested to work for Americorp there may be a position opening at a school in downtown Chinatown, Chicago! I sat there and responded and cried. I cried because I was so grateful that the Lord had been providing for me. Although I knew it was not set in stone, I knew that it was, if nothing else, the Lord showing me that in someway he would provide! I was so happy that night as my mom and I were crying! It sounds corny all this crying, but it was seriously amazing seeing God's hand on it all :) So, I was scheduled for an interview today and received a phone call last week from someone from the school who was reassuring me that I was likely to have the job (which was timely in my somewhat pessimistic and Peter-like mood of unbelief). I was worrying about not having a job and about not having an apartment to be in as of August 26th when the boys move back in. But the Lord always is reminding me, because I am so forgetful, that he would provide, just like He did with Ruth. ( Needless to say I've read that book numerous times since I have been here! :) So, I interviewed today and was so happy to be at the school; just seeing it all and loved the people I met. But, I had heard of other interviews going on so I started to get slightly discouraged, until I remember that the Lord would provide, regardless of this position. BUT His provision came in this position and for that I am forever grateful!
His glory and providence is written ALL over this because nothing that I did got me this job and it's amazing when you can see that in your life. The Lord has been oh so good to me and might we always be reminded of his covenant faithful love and provision for His people. To God be the glory, now and forever AMEN! :)
Now onto the job! The job is for an after school program director/ volunteer coordinator. I guess a lot of the kids, despite the fact that they are in Christian schools, aren't Christian and grew up in Buddhist or other religious background. So this is a wonderful ministry for the city to non Christians. Although I won't be making much, I am excited to learn and minister to the inner city Chinatown! It's funny how the Lord does things because when I applied, I looked at some of the cites and this was the last site that I wanted...and yet I am SO excited about it now!
I ask for your prayers as I live and work in Chinatown, Chicago and learn how to effectively communicate to the community :) I pray that the Lord uses me in big ways and makes me feel uncomfortable, but all for His glory!
Now, I'm off to watch Mulan and eat Panda Express to hopefully encourage a more Chinese me ;)
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| Some of the Pui Tak Babies I will be working with :) |
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| Pui Tak Christian School :) |
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| Another view :) |
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| Chinatown, my new home :) |
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Morning by Morning
I realize I already posted a blog all about my day today, but this post I decided to write because it was my morning devotion that was right on for what I needed to hear...so I shall share.
August 09- "The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it" Revelation 21:23.
Charles Spuregon writes:
Far away in the heaven the inhabitants are free from our earthy creature comforts. They have no need of new clothing, for their white robes never wear out, nor will they ever get dirty or stained. They have no need of medicine to heal diseases, for "No one living in Zion will say, "I am ill" (Is. 33:24). They do not need sleep to refresh their bodies; they rest neither day nor night, but untiringly praise the Lord in His temple. They do not need any social relationships to minister comfort to them, and whatever enjoyment they derive from their friends is not essential to their happiness, for their fellowship with the Lord is enough to meet their greatest desires. No doubt they discuss the things of God with one another, but they need no teachers, for the Lord himself instructs them.
Today we receive alms at the King's gate, but they feast at the King's table itself. Here we lean on a friends arm, but there they lean on their Beloved and Him alone. Here we must have the help of our friends, but there they find all they want in Jesus Christ. Here we look to meat that spoils for nourishment and to clothing that is eaten by moths for covering, but there they find everything in God. Here we use a bucket to fetch water from the well, there they drink of the living water directly from the Source of the fountain. Angels bring us blessings here, but there they need no messengers from heaven. They need no Gabriels to bring them love notes from God, for there they see Him "Face to face" (1 Cor 13:12).
Oh, what a blessed time that will be when we have risen above every meaningless earthly cause and will rest upon the are of God alone! What a glorious hour it will be when God and not His creatures, when the Lord and not His works will be our daily joy! Only then will our souls have attained the perfection of happiness."
I was quite convicted of this because before I had read this devotion this morning, I was writing someone on facebook and I started to say, "Now more than ever I am praying Maranatha (come Lord Jesus come). The sad thing though is that I think I am praying for this selfishly because I don't want to deal with certain things right now". As I wrote this, I reread it and felt awful...so I deleted it and thought, I should be praying Maranatha so I might see Him, not so that I don't have to do something. What's funny though is after reading this devotion I thought about things that I have been struggling with, like lack of communication with people I really want to talk to because that is our humanly need. Spurgeon showed me that I'm not the only one who needs those relationships to minister comfort, but more than that, I think that we can lean on the Beloved's arm even though we are not with Him yet. I mean, I think that's the blessing of our union with Christ. Yes, the Lord gives us friends, family and spouses for the very reason that we need people and we need people that can minister to us, but in times when we don't feel like we have much of it, we are not alone and apart from the Word which can also minster us comfort. But as I read what Spugeon wrote about our desire being not for earthly things ever but always for Christ I couldn't help but yearn for that so strongly. I don't want this life because He is so much greater. I think I can actually say, "Maranatha", not because of my circumstances, but because of my desire to be with my Lord finally. There are always things that people usually want before Jesus comes back, but these things are vain and earthly. I remember when I first started hearing about "The end times" as a little girl, I used to say, well, I don't want God to come back until I'm married and have kids. Even as a little girl I was foolish to think what I wanted mattered and more so, what I wanted was the end all. Although I think we all have desires as such, to say that we don't want the Lord to come back for a certain earthy thing in our lives is just a sinful desire and our desire should be for Him and His glory alone. So, while it's not bad to desire certain things, I must caution the depth to which we desire them. My boyfriend did a wonderful chapel a few months ago and in it, I remember him talking about this a little...about desiring certain things, such as marriage, before the Lord returns and I was really struck by it, though not as much as I am now. My desires have changed since then and even more so I am convicted of this truth more and more. Just some things to think about. Grace and Peace my friends <3
August 09- "The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it" Revelation 21:23.
Charles Spuregon writes:
Far away in the heaven the inhabitants are free from our earthy creature comforts. They have no need of new clothing, for their white robes never wear out, nor will they ever get dirty or stained. They have no need of medicine to heal diseases, for "No one living in Zion will say, "I am ill" (Is. 33:24). They do not need sleep to refresh their bodies; they rest neither day nor night, but untiringly praise the Lord in His temple. They do not need any social relationships to minister comfort to them, and whatever enjoyment they derive from their friends is not essential to their happiness, for their fellowship with the Lord is enough to meet their greatest desires. No doubt they discuss the things of God with one another, but they need no teachers, for the Lord himself instructs them.
Today we receive alms at the King's gate, but they feast at the King's table itself. Here we lean on a friends arm, but there they lean on their Beloved and Him alone. Here we must have the help of our friends, but there they find all they want in Jesus Christ. Here we look to meat that spoils for nourishment and to clothing that is eaten by moths for covering, but there they find everything in God. Here we use a bucket to fetch water from the well, there they drink of the living water directly from the Source of the fountain. Angels bring us blessings here, but there they need no messengers from heaven. They need no Gabriels to bring them love notes from God, for there they see Him "Face to face" (1 Cor 13:12).
Oh, what a blessed time that will be when we have risen above every meaningless earthly cause and will rest upon the are of God alone! What a glorious hour it will be when God and not His creatures, when the Lord and not His works will be our daily joy! Only then will our souls have attained the perfection of happiness."
I was quite convicted of this because before I had read this devotion this morning, I was writing someone on facebook and I started to say, "Now more than ever I am praying Maranatha (come Lord Jesus come). The sad thing though is that I think I am praying for this selfishly because I don't want to deal with certain things right now". As I wrote this, I reread it and felt awful...so I deleted it and thought, I should be praying Maranatha so I might see Him, not so that I don't have to do something. What's funny though is after reading this devotion I thought about things that I have been struggling with, like lack of communication with people I really want to talk to because that is our humanly need. Spurgeon showed me that I'm not the only one who needs those relationships to minister comfort, but more than that, I think that we can lean on the Beloved's arm even though we are not with Him yet. I mean, I think that's the blessing of our union with Christ. Yes, the Lord gives us friends, family and spouses for the very reason that we need people and we need people that can minister to us, but in times when we don't feel like we have much of it, we are not alone and apart from the Word which can also minster us comfort. But as I read what Spugeon wrote about our desire being not for earthly things ever but always for Christ I couldn't help but yearn for that so strongly. I don't want this life because He is so much greater. I think I can actually say, "Maranatha", not because of my circumstances, but because of my desire to be with my Lord finally. There are always things that people usually want before Jesus comes back, but these things are vain and earthly. I remember when I first started hearing about "The end times" as a little girl, I used to say, well, I don't want God to come back until I'm married and have kids. Even as a little girl I was foolish to think what I wanted mattered and more so, what I wanted was the end all. Although I think we all have desires as such, to say that we don't want the Lord to come back for a certain earthy thing in our lives is just a sinful desire and our desire should be for Him and His glory alone. So, while it's not bad to desire certain things, I must caution the depth to which we desire them. My boyfriend did a wonderful chapel a few months ago and in it, I remember him talking about this a little...about desiring certain things, such as marriage, before the Lord returns and I was really struck by it, though not as much as I am now. My desires have changed since then and even more so I am convicted of this truth more and more. Just some things to think about. Grace and Peace my friends <3
Adventure of the Day
So, I have found that there are many things that I must do as I live on my own now, that were much easier when I had someone else taking care of them. First off, I have had several spiders...I hate spiders, yet I have been killing them :) Second, my toilet was not working well today and I can't figure why. But, being the handi-dandy girl that I am becoming, I fixed it myself! WooHoo! I'm so impressed with my mad skills right now ;) haha. I guess these are things that the average person knows how to do, but when you haven't really learned to do it before, you get excited about the little things in life :)
Today I applied for several jobs at North Park University and a job with Chicago Youth Center. I also went into a Starbucks about 20 minutes away and asked for a transfer. I was hoping not to have to do so, but a job is better than no job. I also went to a small Christian academy to see if they had any jobs available but they were currently staffed and also wanted me to be a member at their church, which isn't really an option at this point, but it was worth the effort. Last but not least I applied for a position with Chase (the Bank).
My plan for tomorrow is to drive into Chicago to one of the YMCA's that I applied to and see if the job has been filled or not. I may stop by another one for the same reason on the way home, but I just don't want to push my car too much since the "check engine" light is on. Then I think on Thursday, I will go down to Pui Tak Christian School and see what it looks like. Pui Tak is the school that I have a second interview with on Tuesday the 16th. I am excited about it, but I don't want to put all my marbles in that basket in case I do not get the position. After that, I think I'll head down to the Chicago Farmers Market and maybe see if I can find anything downtown that would be a good job. I will then, Lor willingly on this all, of course, go to get my car looked at by a friend of a friend. It should be nice. He and His wife invited me over for coffee and dessert :)
I'm a little overwhelmed at all of this, knowing I have to be out of this apartment in about 15 days and need a job so I can do so. I know the Lord will provide so I just need to remind myself that and remember His Hesed. I've been reading Ruth over and over lately so as to remind myself of God's love in providing Ruth a kinsman redeemer. Because of her faith and willingness to not give up, she was given Boaz and from them came the line of Christ. What may have seemed like a lost hope, God took and used it to show how he was faithful and would provide for Ruth and Naomi's (or Mara as she wish to be called) needs and even provide a man for Ruth so that the birth line for Savior could still continue. What a true test of this woman's faith that the Lord would provide. I pray that I too can have faith like Ruth and trust in the Lord' provision over my measly life. Grace and Peace
Today I applied for several jobs at North Park University and a job with Chicago Youth Center. I also went into a Starbucks about 20 minutes away and asked for a transfer. I was hoping not to have to do so, but a job is better than no job. I also went to a small Christian academy to see if they had any jobs available but they were currently staffed and also wanted me to be a member at their church, which isn't really an option at this point, but it was worth the effort. Last but not least I applied for a position with Chase (the Bank).
My plan for tomorrow is to drive into Chicago to one of the YMCA's that I applied to and see if the job has been filled or not. I may stop by another one for the same reason on the way home, but I just don't want to push my car too much since the "check engine" light is on. Then I think on Thursday, I will go down to Pui Tak Christian School and see what it looks like. Pui Tak is the school that I have a second interview with on Tuesday the 16th. I am excited about it, but I don't want to put all my marbles in that basket in case I do not get the position. After that, I think I'll head down to the Chicago Farmers Market and maybe see if I can find anything downtown that would be a good job. I will then, Lor willingly on this all, of course, go to get my car looked at by a friend of a friend. It should be nice. He and His wife invited me over for coffee and dessert :)
I'm a little overwhelmed at all of this, knowing I have to be out of this apartment in about 15 days and need a job so I can do so. I know the Lord will provide so I just need to remind myself that and remember His Hesed. I've been reading Ruth over and over lately so as to remind myself of God's love in providing Ruth a kinsman redeemer. Because of her faith and willingness to not give up, she was given Boaz and from them came the line of Christ. What may have seemed like a lost hope, God took and used it to show how he was faithful and would provide for Ruth and Naomi's (or Mara as she wish to be called) needs and even provide a man for Ruth so that the birth line for Savior could still continue. What a true test of this woman's faith that the Lord would provide. I pray that I too can have faith like Ruth and trust in the Lord' provision over my measly life. Grace and Peace
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