Life in the city is an interesting thing. I have always marveled at the people who live and work in the city and pass by the homeless and disadvantaged as if was nothing. With ipods in, kindles out, and a rushed walk as the are either exiting or entering a train...with nothing on their minds but their own agenda. Will i make it to my next train? Will i make it on time for work? I should have planned a lunch instead of eating out again... These are some of the thoughts in the monotonous lives of people of the city. I always wondered how day after day you could see a homeless person and not think twice. Today i realized it. As i walked my transferring train this morning, i realize how easy it is to look the other way and pass by because you are too busy. I was running late and all i could think was "I have to get there on time!" i passed by many a helpless people without a second glance. I thought about how ashamed i was feeling. I got to work, went on with my monotonous day...working in the office, teaching 4th grade computer, helping pre school and then running the after school program. The kids happened to all get picked up early so i helped with one last project and headed home. I was so excited to be out 15 minutes early that i hustled to the red line... Got off first and hustled to the pink line which was leaving in 4 minutes. I got there and just as i was going to put my ticket in...i saw a lady with a cane and she said " i need some help". She was blind. I had already placed my card in so i didn't know what to do. Before i could think too much i saw another girl hesitantly trying to help. So selfishly i went through the turn style...hesitated...and when i saw she was okay...i left. As i headed up the stairs you can imagine how i felt. Its probably inappropriate to say so i will let you gather your on thoughts on that. Now i am sitting here on the train wondering where my love and selflessNess has gone. Where my excitement to serve others has fled. Where my passion for the city and its corruption has gone when i have become the very person i came here to change. I came to make a difference in the individual lives of people for Christ, yet i have apparently left that aspect at my job andforgotten those i don't get paid to serve. I feel like at times i don't even know myself, my actions or my heard any more.
I am so grateful for this time of sharpening and prunning but its kicking my butt man. Im tired and when i become tired, im even more selfish. I pray thwarting Lord gives me strength to continue despite my tiredness and enables me to serve as Christ served. I know I can be selfish and only the Lord can enable me to look to the cross to be Christ centered. Oh foolish heart, how quickly you forget this life is not about you or your gain!! May my heart and actions start aligning to the Lords heart and actions.
We will grow into the people that we need to be. I am thankful that the Lord has opened your eyes to see your sinfulness, that is the first step. Without seeing our sin we cannot turn from it because we to not know what to turn away from. A humble and contrite heart is what the Lord desires. A humble heart to recognize our sin. Now, you know what to turn from, and you know more what I need to turn from and can help me and others in that pursuit of putting of the old nature and putting on the new.
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