"'For I Know The Plans I Have For You..."

I am so blessed to have had this experience to come out to Chicago because the Lord has been teaching me so much in the past few months and I pray that it grows me more and more into the woman I desire to be.  I wish I could explain fully what the Lord has been doing in me, but I'm afraid it can't all be expressed because I just don't write that well :)  but here's a glimpse!

The Lord has been teaching me a lot over the past few months and even more intensely the past two weeks that I need to trust Him and put my faith in Him alone!  I am so glad that I am doing this on my own right now because I know that the Lord has me doing this so that I may learn to depend on him...not my friends, not my family, and more importantly not my boyfriend.  I know all of these people are great to help me out in times of need, but when they are close by, I am tempted to lean on them instead of my Lord.  I have been learning the importance of trusting that he will provide for me...the way my family, friends and boyfriend cannot.  He has taken care of me thus far and will continue to take care of me.

The thing is, and most people don't really know this, but the main reason I moved out here was not just for a boy, or just for a job...but really it was because I looked at my life and realized that I lived daily not realizing the power of God in my life.  Yes, I know it exists, but I live as though it doesn't.  I live as though my days are not ordained and my days are not being provided for daily.  I trust not in the Lord and I do work simply for the pay.  I hated being in Apple Valley, but I started praying, about Mid-March that the Lord would change my attitude and use it for His glory for the temporary time that I had left in Apple Valley.  When I knew James was going to be in Indiana I knew this was my moment to seek after the things that I desire--inner city ministry and of course James-- but more so to trust that the Lord would take care of it all.  I didn't make my decision to move until the end of June.  I gave my one month's notice at work and felt at peace about everything.  I knew not what I was doing, how I was going to do it, but I knew that I needed to do what has been on my heart to do for the past 8 years.  When I made my decision to come out in August, I knew I could stay in the boys apartment until they came.  This gave me 26 days to find a job, find a place to live and figure out how to survive on my own.

Maybe it sounds crazy to a lot of people to just up and leave not knowing any of these things and trust me...I wondered the same.  I have always been the type of person that plans and plans and plans and has things all figured out before I can go.  This time was completely out of my comfort zone and completely a new experience for me, yet I had this incredible peace that I don't even have when I make plans.    It's funny because over the years I have realized that in all reality, my plans are never really His plans.  My course of life always gets changed and yet His will is accomplished in my life and every experience grows me.   So, I decided that since nothing I plan every works out, I may as well just go, trust the Lord to provide for me and be flexible in what He does with me in this time.  I find that when I don't have as many plans, I don't get nearly as upset when something happens I didn't expect.

Now, I'm not saying that you should just go and do things without thought and prayer and without a plan at all because we don't just go into the middle of a war zone, unprotected and just say the Lord will save you (though He has the power to do so).  Rather, we learn to be flexible and use prayer and the word to guide and direct us through our lives so that we can make decisions with wisdom.  I believe many people may think of me as not wise for doing this, but when is doing things for the sake of the gospel ever wise?  Wisdom of the cross is folly to the world, isn't it?  So, while I am taking this step..it is not a leap of faith.  I am not blindly jumping off a ledge, hoping the Lord will guide and protect me.  No, I am taking a step of faith knowing that the path before me has been ordained and the Lord's will will be done!  I pray that the Lord grows me even more in these times of loneliness and of the unknown. For thise of you who know me well, you know that I tend to worry and fear a lot.  I've always been fearful, since I was a little girl.  I had a very active imagination that always lead me to imagine, when I was home alone or in the dark, that someone would come in and kidnap me or stab me or something.  I always lived in fear.  Even now, I worry and am afraid at times, but I know that the Lord will bring me through this and nothing is outside of His fatherly hands, so that great comfort has been subsiding my fears.  I can't even begin to explain how the knowledge of this has been forcing me to look at my sinful behavior and realize that only He can control my life and His hesed will never fail me :) As a child, I was made to memorize Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" and now, more than ever do I start to understand these words as they came about into my head today.  He knows what He has planned for me even when I don't.  He knows that His plans will succeed even if mine don't.  His plans are for more better for my good than any plans I could advise.  So, I will trust Him in this, as He knows His plans. He has already taught me more than I have realized about His Providence over EVERY area of my life and I pray that I am daily reminder of that and grow in my love and knowledge of my Lord and Savior, as I pray the same things for my friends, family and my boyfriend, who is a wonderful God-given gift and encouragement to me.  Grace and Peace my dear friends <3